


Avengers-Bad days

by existingdesire



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anorexic, Cutting, Depression, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Requests, Sad, Self Harm, avengers depression, avengers x bullied reader, avengers x self harming reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-04-09 01:51:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4329207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/existingdesire/pseuds/existingdesire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of sad, triggering avengers Stories/One shots, yes I know it's kinda dark but I thought maybe I could help some people get through it.</p><p> I need requests so comment what you want to see!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Authors Note!

Hey guys!! Send me requests on what type of one shots you want! It doesn't matter how depressing it is, I'll try and do my best ;) thanks, love you! I realizing this kind of writing is sad, and depressing but I just want to deal with my own feelings as well as helping others. And besides I would rather the Avengers help me than any other person.

I hope the first one shot will be posted tonight!

Ps. You guys have no idea how many times I accidentally wrote "one shit" instead of "one shot" fml..


	2. Natasha x Reader

Request :  
"Can you do one of were (Y,N) has just arrived home from a mission in critical condition and once the reader has recovered have it have a happy ending either with smut or fluff."

I hope you like it ;) 

 

You groaned as a loud beeping filled your ear drums, and a bright light took over your vision. Your head hurt like hell. What happened- then you remembered. Gun shots, screams of agony and a concerned Natasha filled your memory. You could remember Nat screaming your name over and over again. Closing your eyes trying to forget. It didn't work. 

You shifted glanced down at your thigh covered in bandages and blood. You didn't feel any pain, but then again you've probably been given more pain meds that you could count. A loud sigh escaped your mouth as you sunk back down. A single tear slid down your cheek as a sleepy Natasha awoke. 

"(y/n)..?" A groggy voice asked. Suddenly realizing where she was and bolted towards you resulting in a serious hug. A muffled 'I'm so fucking glad you're okay' could be heard. She has and always will be a good hugger. Surprisingly. The best trained emotionless assassin gave good hugs, who knew. 

She broke apart and looked at you with an expression you've never seen before. She was utterly relieved. You'd never seen her this worried and relieved at once. The fearless Black Widow had just shown her soft side, wow. She looked like a mess too. Tear stains tainted her cheeks, and her hair was not nearly as perfect as it normally was. She was wearing a pair of tights and an old baggy sweatshirt. 'Never thought I (y/n) would live to see the day The Natasha Romanov would be wearing normally clothing' you thought. 

You giggled. Earning a blank expression for Nat. "You look cute." 

"Oh do I now?" She crashed her lips into yours. The kiss being gentle at first because of your current state but soon escalated. Your fingers found her way into her red hair, as she cupped your cheeks. She moved her way onto the bed now fully on top of you. Your hands moved down to her waist pulling her in closer deepening the kiss. She slowly started to kiss down your jawline and made her way down your neck and found your sweet spot, earning a moan. She smirked. 

"Ahem" None other than Tony Stark was waiting in the doorway. Clearly amused. Startled, Natasha nearly flew onto the floor. But she quickly regained her balance. 

"Oh no, do please continue I was enjoying the show" a smirk grew on his face.

"You're such an ass tony.." You said throwing a pillow at him. 

"Well sorry what can I say.. That was hot. Oh and who have some visitors" he gestured to the other avengers who's faces were almost as red as yours.

Natasha got up and whispered in your ear sending shivers down your spine, "We will continue this later" She winked and walked away looking back once to seductively blow you a kiss. Your face now managed to turn even a deeper shade of red. Damn that woman gave you butterflies.


	3. Steve x reader : Broken

Request : the reader has just failed a mission and then when (Y,N) is in her room she cuts herself (one cut for each mission failed, i'll leave how many cuts she has up to you) someone walks in and sees the cuts before (Y,N) can cover them up and comforts her can be viewed as romance or friendship. (if romance include a kiss at the end).

 

You looked at your reflection, what You saw wasn't a kid hearted, loving girl. You saw A monster starring back through the glass. In your body, wearing your clothes. Who were you kidding, you are a monster, a failure. Another failed mission, this time the blood was on your hands. Three innocent people died. People who had families, a whole life to look forward to, and it was your stupidity who killed them. The avengers would've saved them. All of them. Not even leaving a scratch on them.

You punched and shattered the mirror, sending your evil reflection into hundreds of pieces. Pieces of glass fell to the floor, while others remained stuck in your flesh. I sunk down to my knees sobbing. Tears rolling off my cheeks and onto the ground. It was all too much. I reached over and grabbed a shard, You rolled up your sleeve revealing your scarred wrists and Began to slice your skin repeatedly. A dark crimson liquid trickled down your arms as you kept cutting. You were starting to run out of room along your bloodied wrist, you started attacking my thighs with the blade. you were desperate to feel something. Anything at all.

All these thoughts spun around you head and You couldn't take any if it anymore. You just want in all to end. Tears were falling harder at this point. You screamed at the top of your lungs. Those people didn't deserve to die. I do...

You were about to make another slice when someone burst through the door. You were a crying mess and didn't want anyone. Especially not Steve to seen you like this. You'd worked so hard to hide your scars, to hide everything. 

"(y/n) I heard you scre-" Steve's jaw was on the floor. He looked petrified. His concerned emotion soon turned to anger. "Wh-what are you doing!?!" 

"I-I.. I..." A sudden wave of panic rushed over you. You could barley speak. With every breath your lungs felt like they filled with cement. A panic attack. Shit. 

Steve noticed your sudden panic, he ushered you to your feet and quickly embraced you in a tight hug. His arms snaked around your neck allowing you to cry into his chest. Your still bleeding arms wrapped around his waist. You didn't know this but he feared he was going to lose you. So he held onto you for dear life, as did you. The two of you stayed like that for awhile. He was saying soothing things to you until you calmed down. 

To your surprise he picked you up and placed you on the counter. Without saying anything he started to clean your cuts and hand. "(y/n).. Why.. Why would you do this to yourself.." He traced each one of your cuts.

You said nothing. You just looked at your scars and cried silently. Steve took the hint, he wild your tears away. "I hate seeing you cry (y/n).. I really do" An ever so small smile appeared on your face. "Okay.. Fine talk to me when you're ready, deal?" You nodded.

Your hand hurt like hell and your cuts had started to bleed once again. He heard a quiet mumble from Steve. He walked out to grab something, you heard some shuffling and When he came back his shirt was only half on. To say the least you were blushing a deeper shade of red then a firetruck. 

"Oh.. Uh sorry" he chucked noticing your blush. 

In his other hand was some bandages, a shirt and sweatpants...? You obviously looked confused "oh, I forget.. put this on" he handed one of his shirts and pair of sweats. You just looked at the clothing not wanting to out it on in front of him. You were extremely insecure when it came to your body. So stripping down to nothing but your underwear in front of your crush.. Who already caught you self harming this wasn't your idea of fun..

"Come on (y/n).. Please put it on" 

"But.. " 

"Your choice but, if you don't.. I'll do it myself." A faint blush tinted your cheeks. As much as you wanted him to, you couldn't let him see your ugly body. 

After his relentless pushing you finally agreed. You slid off your pants and SHIELD shirt. Now your just left standing there in matching black underwear. You frantically rushed to cover up, sliding on his sweats and t-shirt...oh my god..it smelled like him. You avoided his gaze the whole time, not wanting to see his reaction. 

Steve could tell you were insecure, he saw the look on your face. He grabbed your chin and forced you to look him on the eyes, "(y/n).. Oh (y/n), you are so fucking beautiful.. Please don't think otherwise" normally you wouldn't have believed him, but the fact that the Captain America swore.. Made you believe him. The rest of the time spent in that tiny bathroom rest your arms and cleaned your cuts. 

"Hey.. Everyone else is watching a movie, let's go. Besides you could use a laugh." 

You look down noticing that the shirt he gave you, the one you were wearing was was short-sleeved. It revealed two bandages on each arm. You frowned. "(y/n), don't worry.. I'll be right there.. I love you (y/n)" He pressed his lips into yours. You were shocked but kissed back. The kiss was soft and gentle. You smiled, a real one. Steve took your hand and lead you into the main room, filled with the rest of the avengers. All of you enjoyed a fun night. Your first good memory in a while..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so if you guys ever want me to continue any of these one shots I can, I actually kinda like this one so.. Okay byeeee thanks! Keep commenting requests!!


	4. Steve x suicidal reader

Request:   
Hi!, can I request a Steve/reader shot where he tries to save you but can't and reader ends up dying? Then a bunch of angst afterwards?

 

You've had enough. Life was just too hard. It wasn't worth all this suffering. Everyday is torture. You're trying to fight, trying to win this war but you can't. You've given up. All hope was lost. Even if you were living with the avengers, and were the one lucky girl to have Steve fall for her. You just couldn't deal with this anymore. You didn't want to be a burden to Steve, you don't want him to worry about you, he doesn't deserve your demons. 

So you sat in the bathroom, alone with tears streaming down your face. You were writing you're final goodbyes. It was harder than you expected. There was so much to say, so many apologies to write.. You had written a letter for each person. Everyone deserves their own explanation. It felt more personal this way. You finished the letters and placed it on the counter.

You knew deep down this is want you really wanted. No one was going to stop you. You filled the bath with water, and picked up you're blade. 

You hesitated, how is everyone going to deal with this...? Is this a mistake? 

No. You pushed those thoughts aside. Stop being a wimp. This is want I want.

Blade in hand you slide it along down your arm. The blood started to flow and you emerged yourself in the now crimson red water. You're mind started to drift, black spots clouded over your eyes. Finally some peace.

You could hear someone faintly calling your name, shaking you. Steve. He was frantically trying to save you, but he was too late. "Goodbye Steve.. I l-love you" as you said you're final goodbyes blackness took over. Finally. 

Steve was screaming. His clothing was now covered in your blood. You had just died in his arms. He couldn't help but feel like this was all his fault. He was sobbing, for the first time in years. How could (y/n) do this.. "Why!?!?" He screamed at the top of his lungs. As he looked at your body, he noticed something that broke his heart. You looked peaceful. 

It didn't take long until the rest of the avengers came to witness the cause of Steve's screams, the horrors. Your lifeless body lay still in Steve's arms. They were shocked. Some cried, others remained speechless. Eventually even the notorious Black Widow broke down in tears. No one could believe what just happened, even then no one excepted it. To this day everyone blamed themselves. 

~~

A few months have passed. Everyone is dealing with your death better. The avengers have continued Saving the world, for the first time in months. Everyone read your letters, most of them cried and read it every night since. Everyone but Steve. He shut himself out from the world. He needed his time, but how much? The love of his life just died, she committed suicide. How is anyone supposed to deal with that. The constant thought of how he could've saved you plagued his thoughts. 

He refused to read your letter. It lay still on his desk. He hasn't touched it once since. Until today, 97 days after you're death he built up enough courage to read your letter. Maybe the reason he didn't want to read it was because it was all he had left. He thought if he didn't read it you would come back. But you never did. 

He started reading:

Steve.. I'm so sorry. I know you won't be able to understand. So let me put it this way, my depression is like a war.. I was either going to win or die trying. I knew I wasn't going to win. The demons were just to strong.   
Steve.. You need to promise me, don't spend all your time crying, go out and save the world. They need you. Don't you dare think this was your fault because it wasn't. 

I love you, (y/n) 

He didn't say anything. He glanced over at the desk. A small ring box sat there. Untouched. He was going to propose that night. Looks like he never did her the chance..


	5. The test. Reader and Bruce

A few weeks ago you had gone to Bruce, you told him everything. Absolutely everything. 

Flashback 

After stalling for a good hour you made your way down to his lab. Shit. Tony is there. You knocked on the glass door trying to be polite. You were greeted with tony stark wearing the most ridiculous googles ever. 

"Hey kid, what's up?" 

"Hey Tony, I um.. Need to talk to Bruce" 

Tony look confused but graciously left. He was lurking around outside the lab, obviously hoping to catch a heated make out session. But let's be real.. That wasn't going to happen. You and Bruce were alone in his lab. You tried to bring up the conversation multiple times, each time resulted in a fail. 

"(y/n)... I know you aren't here to talk about my most recent experiments.." He sat down at his desk. "So what's on your mind..?" 

You took a deep breath and started to explain. Now or never. You told Bruce about your thoughts, how you're super insecure, and how you aren't happy that much anymore. You tried to explain all the pressure and stress you had on you. You were the youngest avenger to date, youngest shield agent for that matter. Everyone had these unrealistic expectations for you and it just wasn't fair.

You had a few tears spilling out from your eyes. "The worst part about all this is I don't even understand most of what I'm feeling.. I don't get any of it" 

Bruce took of his glasses. "Thanks for coming to me, I won't tell anyone but you need to see me every week, okay?" 

You nodded. Bruce asked you if you had self harmed. You didn't answer. You didn't want to tell him the thought had crossed your mind. Maybe it would help you understand. 

"(Y/n) can I see your wrists, and thighs." Bruce didn't phrase it like a question. It was more of a demand. You reluctantly rolled you your selves and since you were already wearing shorts it wasn't a problem. 

"(y/n).. I know what's it like. I've been here, I need to understand this better and so do you. I need you to answer these questions and give it back to me by the end of the day.. Got it?" 

"Yeah.." You too what appeared to be a depression test from his hands and went back to your room. As soon as you got back you broke out into tears. 

End of flashback. 

You were just called into Bruce's office, he said he needed your help. The rest of the avengers just shrugged it off. You on the other hand knew what was going on. You sat down across from Bruce and there was silence. He looked heart broken. He slide your results from the test across the table and hesitantly you read. 

You had scored the highest possible on the test. You broke down in tears. Sobbing. And screaming. You definitely captured the attention of the other avengers. Great. 

Bruce embraced you in a hug. Saying soothing things as he rocked you back and fourth. 

You had a long hard road ahead of you, and it wasn't going to be easy.


	6. Panic. Reader x Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for everyone who requested anything to do with anxiety, panic attacks..etc now.. 1) I'm really sorry for not posting AT ALL truly never my intention. 2) I really tried to do this piece justice but it was difficult. I did some research; because I'm not super familiar with super bad anxiety symptoms..etc so my apologizes if this is off. As always love you love time and merry Christmas ( or happy holidays! )

Nobody realizes how broken you are. They just don't. You're anxiety is now in control of your life. It has robbed you of all life's simple pleasures. You're afraid to go out, talk and meet new people. The simplest things can terrify you, bring you to tears even. Yet you still feel guilty. Everyday the panic attacks seem to multiply, each one being worst then the last. Your hands shake, body trembles. Your body will go numb. You're able to hear your heart beat as it races within your chest. You start to sweat and cold chills over take your body. You can't breath. You gasp for air but you still feel like your drowning. You become weak, helpless. You feel trapped. And afraid. Afraid of losing control. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of failing deeper into the darkness. Afraid of every possible scenario you make up in your head.

But on top of it all How good you've gotten at faking a smile is what scared you most. 

You smile and act like everything is perfect. It's funny actually, how every smile can hide hundreds of tears. But you chose to laugh and smile along with the rest so you're not seen as a burden. It's easier. 

Your relaxation technique may be unorthodox. You like to fight. It distracts you. It's weird because typically you would be worrying about your surroundings, but during a fight your focus is on one thing only. Winning. Fighting is able to distract you from fear. No, you don't get scared when someone has a gun aimed at your head. You only start to panic when others get involved. It's weird like that. You know that if you died it would be entirely your fault, however someone else.. That's another story. Your life is your life. But knowing some one has died and you couldn't save them would destroy you. Physically and mentally. This is why you were reluctant to be with the avengers.  
You know the hulk can hold his own. However when hundreds of cops are shooting him you can't help the sudden panic fill your body.   
You know Nat has driven a motorcycle hundreds of times, but still you worry.  
Tony has nearly died a dozen times due to his arc reactor. One point it was the thing killing him.  
Steve has fought in many wars. Seen many soldiers fall. He's witnessed death and destruction. He's strong, powerful yet everyone of his decisions makes your stomach turn.   
It's the same with all of them. You lack a sense of control. You cannot control them and their surroundings. However you can control your choices. Sometimes it makes you laugh, you can fight and stand up to guys like ultranationalist but you still can't order your own food. It's funny. Maybe it's the mask wearing. Who knows.

You had been thinking everything over in your room. It's dark in your room, empty too. Tony definitely made sure everyone had enough space. You had been just simply thinking when an all too familiar feeling hit you. Panic. Simple thoughts turn to questions. Questions you didn't have answers to. Scenarios upon scenarios. Your breathing became erratic. Slowly the room was getting smaller. You tensed up. And could hear your racing heart.

Steve walked in, no knock, unlike him. "Hey y/n team meet-" 

His jaw dropped. He rushed over and tried to comfort you. Little did he know he was making it worse. You felt judged, insecure, vulnerable, and powerless. 

"Y/n look at me. Take a deep breath okay. Everything is okay" his voice was stern. Yet comforting in a way. 

"I-I'm sorry.." Was all you were able to choke out. Tears were now streaming down your face. 

You couldn't help but feel like a burden. He didn't have to worry about you. He shouldn't worry. You're fine. Right ? Your eyes kept moving from object to object. You couldn't focus or think straight. Everything was moving so fast.

Steve hugged you, time slowed. He didn't hug you like before. This was different. He held on for dear life like he was going to lose you. He was so gentle yet so strong. His muscular arms wrapped around you. It really made you think. Especially when you felt a tear roll down his cheek.

"Y/n You-We will get through this. I'm not doing this out of pity I'm doing this because I care. Because I love you." His words hung in the air. You were in utter shock. The captain America loved you? "You could've told us y/n. You could've told me.."

Before you could think anymore your lips were pressed against his. They moved in synchronization. His hands held your cheeks while you're lay against his chest. The kiss was sweet. Not too rough, or awkward. It was perfect. And for once you felt normal. Normal. Maybe Steve was right. Maybe you would get through this.


End file.
